In a nod to Donald Trump, Marshall's department store is declaring marshall law in the United States.
Most shopping is fake shopping. The army will be brought in to make sure Christmas shopping is re-done, this time fairly.
Accompanied by soldiers, you are free to shop anywhere as long as it's at Marshall's.
Special penalties apply to male miscreants. Men will spend 24 hours locked in the candle section and forced to identify various scents. Then onto the bedroom department where they will, by brutal force, fold thousands of fitted mattress sheets. Neatness counts. Finally, to the container section, where they will be locked in containers of various sizes and shapes and sing Hail to the Chief.
Have a merry Marshall's Christmas.
