I've never met or heard of anyone that actually uses a bidet. Maybe no one admits it.
"Hey, when was the last time you shot water up your butt?"
"Ah, never?"
Bidet is French for Butthole Fountain, but as a kid I thought it was a drinking fountain. And why can't it be? No one uses them for their actual purpose.
Come to think of it, wouldn't a drinking fountain technically be a bidet for your mouth? Why not a bidet for other body parts? Like my dirty mind.
How come I only ever see bidets in hotels? Is there something about travelling? Maybe travellers diarrhea. But why don't we have a term for diarrhea when we're home. Ugh, I had a terrible case of hometown diarrhea yesterday.
Sometimes when I'm travelling I leave the bidet running all day and throw change in it, so it's a real fountain, like the Trevi Fountain in Rome. Very romantic on a honeymoon, especially when the honeymoon is in Duluth.
I guess I can see why you don't find bidets in people's homes.
"Um, that brisket ran right through me, and it would be really weird to take a shower here. Do you have something I can wash my asshole with, but I won't get completely wet?"
