Researchers have determined that no amount of alcohol is safe. In an important addendum, they point out that it's still okay to break a champagne bottle against a new ship, because a ship isn't a person, and the ship doesn't drink the alcohol anyway, and if it did, ships have different digestion systems than humans.
So don't worry about new ships.
Yesterday a dog went shopping and locked his owner in a hot car. The owner died. The dog was not charged. The owner should have known better.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
