Helloooo Newman: Punching Above His Weight

Helloooo Newman: Punching Above His Weight: I was kinda hoping at the Putin/Biden presser that Putin would rip his shirt off and wrestle Kaitlin Collins of CNN in some mud. Wouldn'...

Punching Above His Weight

I was kinda hoping at the Putin/Biden presser that Putin would rip his shirt off and wrestle Kaitlin Collins of CNN in some mud. Wouldn't that be more fun than reducing the nuclear stockpile?

Should she play the next Joker?

Helloooo Newman: Bands

Helloooo Newman: Bands:  I hear Jesus was a big fan of Nine Inch Nails.

Bands

 I hear Jesus was a big fan of Nine Inch Nails.

Helloooo Newman: Magical Words

Helloooo Newman: Magical Words: It's weird the magical patterns we find in the universe. Makes you think. I'm sure you've heard that the middle word in "li...

Magical Words

It's weird the magical patterns we find in the universe. Makes you think. I'm sure you've heard that the middle word in "life" is "if". And dog spelled backwards is god. 

Check this out. The word "Norsemen" contains the word "semen". 

Spooky.

Helloooo Newman: Free Will

Helloooo Newman: Free Will:  Jesus the cost of things these days. The price of free will just quadrupled.

Free Will

 Jesus the cost of things these days. The price of free will just quadrupled.

Helloooo Newman: Bathing Beauty

Helloooo Newman: Bathing Beauty: Have you been forest bathing yet? It's all the rage and really good for you. People are paying serious money to do it. Turns out trees r...

Bathing Beauty

Have you been forest bathing yet? It's all the rage and really good for you. People are paying serious money to do it. Turns out trees release all these neat chemicals that are good for our brains.

I prefer when it was cheaper, back when we called it "going outside".

Helloooo Newman: Options

Helloooo Newman: Options: You know what's wrong with today's world? Too many options. More options means more angst and suffering. My new dishwasher comes wit...

Options

You know what's wrong with today's world?

Too many options. More options means more angst and suffering.

My new dishwasher comes with an "extra dry" option. What?

I want my dishes dry. Non-wet. Lacking moisture. Void of H20. Instead I got the martini setting. Gobi Desert dishes coming up.

Hey honey, what are you doing with these dishes? They're sooo dry. Is it okay if I put food on them?

I never got any complaints about my last dishwasher. Jesus, man, did you do these dishes in the shower? They're soaked.

Thing cost $1000. How about a button that says "cheaper dishwasher".

Helloooo Newman: No Political Advice

Helloooo Newman: No Political Advice: As my loyal readers know, I am loath to get political or give political advice. By the way, I'm not voting for Doug Ford and you shouldn...

No Political Advice

As my loyal readers know, I am loath to get political or give political advice.

By the way, I'm not voting for Doug Ford and you shouldn't either!

I will not vote for Doug Ford, and I will not do it with overwhelming glee. A vote for Doug Ford is a vote for Forrest Gump after having swallowed a few thousand boxes of chocolate on that park bench, chocolate chart and all.

Alas, a non-vote isn't punishment enough. I'm getting Doug the Slug a Peloton for Christmas. Imagine how his bulbous mass will recoil from the exercise equipment, much like a python from fire, after having swallowed 2 fawns whole and digesting it for ten years. Sound like someone we know?

This is not political advice that you should not follow.

Helloooo Newman: mRNA

Helloooo Newman: mRNA: The incredible work of the new mRNA technology is actually a world wonder. It's behind one of the most successful vaccines ever develope...