Helloooo Newman: Regime

Helloooo Newman: Regime: Oh good grief. Another regime the Americans will have to change. Busy, busy, busy.

Regime

Oh good grief. Another regime the Americans will have to change. Busy, busy, busy.

Helloooo Newman: Embargo

Helloooo Newman: Embargo: You never hear the word embargo anymore. It was huge in the 70s. Remember the oil embargo? Okay, neither do I. Anyway, it's time to plac...

Embargo

You never hear the word embargo anymore. It was huge in the 70s. Remember the oil embargo? Okay, neither do I.

Anyway, it's time to place an embargo on all Russian products. Including their porn. It sucks. Lousy lighting, everyone's drunk. From what I've heard, anyway.

Helloooo Newman: Butt Dial

Helloooo Newman: Butt Dial: I use to butt dial people back when it wasn't cool. Back when I had a rotary phone.

Butt Dial

I use to butt dial people back when it wasn't cool. Back when I had a rotary phone.

Helloooo Newman: Sold Out of Gazpacho

Helloooo Newman: Sold Out of Gazpacho: No. I'm not going to write any gazpacho jokes. No Gestapo jokes either. Same for Marjorie Taylor Greene jokes. Why would I write a joke ...

Sold Out of Gazpacho

No. I'm not going to write any gazpacho jokes.

No Gestapo jokes either.

Same for Marjorie Taylor Greene jokes. Why would I write a joke about her when she is a joke?

This is one of those incidents that has all the humour it will ever have baked right into it. It's a complete, all-inclusive funny package that will outlive humanity. To write a joke about it sullies its purity as comedy. There is absolutely no joke that can overcome the brilliance of "gazpacho police". 

If you think you're a brilliant comedian because you came up with a clever joke about "gazpacho police", you aren't. You are boring and trite. Go back to sleep.

Please. I urge you. Leave it alone. Let it do its good work in the universe. This comedy gold deserves our silence and respect.

Helloooo Newman: Outside the Box

Helloooo Newman: Outside the Box: Aren't you sick of the phrase think outside the box ? Everyone says it, convinced that they're the first ones to think of it and it&...

Outside the Box

Aren't you sick of the phrase think outside the box? Everyone says it, convinced that they're the first ones to think of it and it's premium creative advice. Read LinkedIn for two minutes and 500 people tell you to do it.

Hey, what should I do for my next blog?

Uh, try thinking outside the box.

Thank you, Shakespeare. I will.

It's a cliché. It's the paragon of clichés. The apotheosis. Yet so jejune.

"Paragon", "apotheosis" and "jejune" are mysterious creative words I found in a box, and took them out for this blog.

Think about it. We're employing a cliché to urge someone to be creative and original. We're actually still trapped in the box. The box is a package from Amazon – covered in duct tape and impossible to open.

Some people, in an attempt to break out of this box, will introduce a clever, yet very tired, twist to the cliché. Imagine you have a storage company where people can store their shit. But it's a unique storage company, like no other. Their tag line – think outside the storage unit.

Hey, I see what you did there. Very creative. Sign me up. I have some special shit to store at your special company.

Maybe no one can really think outside the box. Maybe it's like a Russian Doll. Think outside one doll and you're instantly trapped in another doll. It's dolls all the way up.

So what should replace think outside the box?

Well, I would have to think outside of it to answer that, wouldn't I?

Helloooo Newman: Fund Times in Canada

Helloooo Newman: Fund Times in Canada: To support the truckers, I gave to gofuckyourselfnotme. Donated a crypto currency called bytemecoin. Hope it helps.

Fund Times in Canada

To support the truckers, I gave to gofuckyourselfnotme. Donated a crypto currency
called bytemecoin.

Hope it helps.

Helloooo Newman: Defined

Helloooo Newman: Defined: I don't want to define myself by my past trauma so today I decided I wouldn't be defined by the dictionary.

Defined

I don't want to define myself by my past trauma so as a first step I decided I wouldn't be defined by the dictionary.