Hi, I'm Paul Tree. You know me from the philosophical question, "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"
Yup, I'm that tree.
I'm writing to tell you I haven't fallen yet, okay? Don't hold your breath because I have no plans to keel over for a long long time. I'll probably keep standing just to drive you people crazy.
Did I make a sound? Didn't I? Good grief. Look around. Maybe there are more important questions to ask in this world.
I haven't fallen, but some of my bigger branches have. One time three philosophy students, scribbling away on their thesis, were lunching underneath me. I dumped a big one on their heads. They didn't hear a peep on account of being instantly crushed to death. But there was a sound, alright. The sound of me laughing my bark off.
I assure you, when I do fall you will hear it. It will be during the biggest forest fire this planet has ever seen.
Until then, stop asking such paltry questions. You're embarrassing yourselves, already.
P. Tree
