Why hasn't God taken a selfie yet? Everyone else is doing it.
The great thing about His selfie is that He doesn't need special lights and hanging white backgrounds to look good. He's always followed around by those beautiful beams of sunshine at just the right angles to look all-powerful and ready to punish you, yet not too scary that you wouldn't give Him money. Now that I think of it, He always looks quite handsome. I guess it's a good thing that when I look at a rendering of God, I never think, shit, is that Mickey Rourke?
I haven't been able to achieve that look, even when Annie Leibovitz and I worked so hard together.
The real trick is what lens to use. Since God is everywhere at the same time, a very large lens is required – way larger than would fit in an iPhone, probably even the iPhone 12000S. Maybe the iHubble?
What would His selfie look like? I guess that's the universal question. Would it be pure love? How do you fit that in a frame? A little to the left, God. Almost – to the right a bit. Damn, your eyes were closed.
It could be just pure white light. Sorry God, way too over-exposed. Let's try again.
Would the red eye reduction need to be on? I mean, you don't want to confuse God with that other guy, um, what's his name?
Maybe He'll just be lazy and use one of the Bible drawings. That's so Old Testament.
My guess is we'll all see ourselves in His selfie. Or it will be the ultimate Rorschach – we'll see what we want to see. Or need to see.
Insert your God at top.
