New Diet

I tried the Keto diet. Didn't work.

I'm on the Speedo diet. I can eat anything I want, as long as I can squeeze into my Speedo.

There aren't many options. Styrofoam packing. Saliva. Huge gulps of air.

Or you know those performance artists guys who eat 6 pounds of metal, one little bit at a time? That's an option.

It works.