One thing I like to do, which I've never seen anyone else do (among humans, anyway) is smile at dogs.
That's right. I'll be walking along Bayview and there will be a dog waiting patiently while his or her owner is buying a half caf., steamed, not boiled, spritzer highball no-fat, trans-fat skim milk latte mixed with the latest probiotic and a side of actual wholesome food, like a thin wedge of biscotti. This is immediately followed by a visit to the health store, where they ingest a whole body and mind cleansing pill (20 pills in total) for $120.
I make eye contact with the dog and smile. And they DO smile back. I think dogs get it when you smile at them. They get the friendly connection you are trying to make. Certainly more so than the skin-covered human skeletons prancing around Bayview.
If I see a wild dog, I am very careful not to smile. I once read in a book about dogs, written by a dog, that if you smile at a wild dog, it sees it as a threat. That's because in the wild when you smile, it means you are baring your teeth. And that means fightin' time. There are no friendships in the wild. There's only me being alive, or you being alive.
There are no real friendships on Bayview either, really. There's only me having a big house, or you having a big house.
This baring teeth thing could never happen on Bayview. For one thing, everyone's teeth, including the dog's teeth, are so damn white. How could such friendly, white, expensive teeth be any threat?
No, I don't wave at the dog. I'm not a fool.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
