Friday 27 July 2018

Freezer Burn

There are two reasons I would not freeze myself (cryogenics), to be woken up far in the future when they find a cure for my illness.

First, the world is getting more fucked up, not less. Why the hell would I stick myself in the frozen food section and wake up to a even more rancid, rotting, spoiled piece of old blood-pudding-of-a-world?

More importantly, would I get freezer burn? You know how hard I work on my complexion? I just pulled a steak out of my freezer that was in stasis for 6 months. My God, what the hell is that, I thought. Will I end up looking like this…um… meat? It looked like a cross between Gene Simmons' tongue and Marilyn Manson's smile.

Paul, you smell like dead fish fart soup. Go back to the grave.