The weather dudes issued a special heat statement today.
After a heated argument, in which they tossed around different language to use in describing the heat, such as, "It's so hot you'll feel like you're being ass-raped by your thermometer" (they wanted to communicate how special and dangerous this particular heat is), they settled on, "It's really hot today."
If you didn't get a chance to soak up this special statement, you can go out and feel the heat. Studies show that if you go out and feel the heat, you can use this knowledge to determine that it's hot outside.
Be careful. You represent humanity, and humanity is depending on you to exercise caution when it's so hot.
No, I don't mean to actually exercise. It's too hot. Put the weights down. Be heat-safe.
Stop moving. Stop talking. Stop reading.
FULL STOP.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
