Weather Drama

The Weather Network is no longer in the business of reporting the weather. It now creates weather drama shows, in hopes of more people clicking on their site.

Hence the headline I read last week: Over half the Canadian population under storm threat.

So now we are counting the number of people affected by weather, and it's a big number. And shouldn't we define the word "threat"? What kind of threat? Does it threaten their travel time to Starbucks? Does it scuff their dress shoes or get them wet? Will my Netflix go down?

Here are some other bold headlines I suggest they use:

Over 10 trillion snowflakes will fall in a 24-hour period.

This weekend's rain storm will require 100 billion Bounty paper towel rolls to absorb. Bounty, the quicker picker-upper. (product placement here - $$$)

Lightning storm will produce enough power to drive 100,000 Tesla's from here to the moon and back 100 times, on auto drive, which screws up and you die in an accident.

This week, 100% of the Canadian population are under weather. And under the weather. Call in sick.