I've always been insanely jealous of people who excel at small talk. The times I've tried it, I've put even very strong coffee to sleep.
And I've never been smart or mature enough to handle "large talk". That's heady talk – intellectual, cerebral, informed, serious.
Large talk includes language like, "Do you think Bell's Theorem of indeterminate quantum states supports a holographic view of the universe?" I hope to God the person gets distracted because I have no idea what any of that means. I memorized it.
So I'm developing a new kind of talk – Medium Talk.
Medium talk is the perfect blend of small and large talk. Like a nicely blended scotch, or producing the perfectly balanced child with a blend of tough genes (Betty White) and the more delicate variety (Vin Diesel).
Medium talk is just right for every occasion: weddings or funerals; birthdays or autopsies; every kind of party you will ever attend. Medium talk sits on the tip of your tongue, ready to impress at any time.
Small talk scene: On vacation, in an elevator with one other person
You: "Stubbed my baby toe on the bed. Now it looks like one of those gross black licorices you get in your halloween bag."
This talk is too small. You're talking about yourself, and no one cares about your toe.
Medium talk scene: On vacation, in an elevator with one other person
You: "Do you ever get travellers' diarrhea?"
Much better. You're showing curiosity about the other person, it's topical for vacations, and it can really impact a person's day.
See what I mean? Medium talk is perfect. That's because a medium life is perfect.
How do you like you steak? Medium-rare. What sized shirt do you wear? Medium. How are you built? Medium build.
Make medium talk your talk.
