I've never been a hugely competitive guy, although I can hold my own in a cutthroat game of Jenga or Twister.
Twister, by the way, is the human version of Jenga but in reverse. You add human beings together until he whole thing collapses.
Another term for adding people together until everything collapses? Civilization.
Competitive napping is where I really excel. My true talents shine, but not bright enough to wake me up. Or so I've been told. I'm always asleep while I'm napping competitively so I'm never really sure. I take the word of my napping coach.
I have a secret edge in napping, you see, and today I'm prepared to reveal it.
While I am napping, I dream. I dream that I am napping. So I'm double napping. Or Sleeming – sleeping and dreaming that I'm sleeping.
It's very difficult to wake me up in this state. In fact, you would have to wake me up in my dream before my actual real body would wake up. Only I can do that.
At one napping contest a judge tried to wake me and, unbeknownst to me, I ripped his cheek muscles right off his face. The judge dropped all charges because I was double asleep and could not form any intent.
I wake myself up by setting an alarm in my dream nap. I'm a little groggy at first, but soon I'm chipper and I can get around to waking my actual self up.
Sometimes the alarm in my dream nap fails to go off and I miss important appointments.
If you want to challenge me to a nap, I'll take you on any day – anywhere.
