Thursday 22 December 2016

Can I Rent?




Self-help gurus say that we should take ownership of our life.

Are you feeling angry? Take ownership of your feelings. Are you breaking your back mastering some activity? Take ownership of your success.

Don't we own enough shit? Isn't that the big complaint about heartless capitalism and conspicuous consumption? We want to own more and more stuff. Now I have to own my failures, anxiety, apprehension, mistakes and miscalculations?

I don't think I can own a house, a car, eight t-shirts and 12 pairs of underwear and on top of that all my feelings. I'm owned-out.

Where do I keep all this stuff? My garage is already full of "important things", plus my car. Oh no, my depression, on the top of my feelings pile, fell onto my car and it drove itself into a hydro pole. I own the tragedy.

Let's see…my calculator tells me that my house is worth a shitload more than my anger, so I think I'll keep the house and give the anger away.

How about a garage sale for my feelings. Only two dollars for my paranoia? Are you crazy? I paid good money for that suffering.

Maybe I'll just rent my feelings.

Me: Are you still angry at me, honey?

Wife: Yes, but I'm only renting so I'll be okay by tomorrow.

Whew.

One thing I do plan to own is my death. I think it will go up in value over time and I can buy a new life.