Helloooo Newman: Chuck Norris cheats Death

Helloooo Newman: Chuck Norris cheats Death: Fearing for his life, Death gives Chuck Norris another chance.

Chuck Norris cheats Death

Fearing for his life, Death gives Chuck Norris another chance.

Helloooo Newman: Baby Oscars

Helloooo Newman: Baby Oscars: Campaigning so desperately for the Best Actor Oscar is not Timothée Chalamet's first shot into the heights of stardom. When he was 6, he...

Baby Oscars

Campaigning so desperately for the Best Actor Oscar is not Timothée Chalamet's first shot into the heights of stardom.

When he was 6, he ran a solid campaign to win a lifetime achievement Oscar.

Inexplicably, he lost out to Sidney Poitier.

Good thing because his acceptance speech, written in crayon, was washed out by the rain.

Helloooo Newman: Chalamet dismay

Helloooo Newman: Chalamet dismay: Sadly, Timothée Chalamet has added Helloooo Newman to his list of things that aren't worth keeping alive anymore, along with ballet and...

Chalamet dismay

Sadly, Timothée Chalamet has added Helloooo Newman to his list of things that aren't worth keeping alive anymore, along with ballet and opera.

"Who cares about Helloooo Newman?" he was heard screaming in the bathroom at the Oscars. Kylie Jenner was too busy looking through the coat check for hangers to help secure her boobies to even care what her bubby hubby was saying.

Very upsetting. I've cancelled plans for the ballet Newman chases a Swan, based on Swan Lake with an original score by Beethoven, star of the spectacular movie Beethoven.

Chalamet not survive this scandal.

Helloooo Newman: A clean victory

Helloooo Newman: A clean victory: The parliamentarian janitor crosses the floor to the Liberals to bring them closer to a majority. He also cleaned the floor as he crossed, b...

A clean victory

The parliamentarian janitor crosses the floor to the Liberals to bring them closer to a majority.

He also cleaned the floor as he crossed, but only the Liberal side.

Helloooo Newman: Not just your routine poutine

Helloooo Newman: Not just your routine poutine: In case you have trouble swallowing the "Quebec is a distinct society" line… They seek a special protective geographical status fo...

Not just your routine poutine

In case you have trouble swallowing the "Quebec is a distinct society" line…

They seek a special protective geographical status for the curds they produce, making poutine such a popular and healthy choice the world over.

Think Champagne, France, the drink we all use to wash down our poutinish delicacy.

Think diarrhea, but the best kind, made from Quebec Grade A turds curds.

It's 3 am. Belly full of tequila and gas. Vomit smell wafting from the Harvey's washroom. Limp fries and gravy mixed with the finest curds.

The only thing missing is the eponymous city where these gems are made.

Curd? Curdistan? Home of the Curds?

Possible spokesperson: Vladimir Poutine?

Enjoy!

Helloooo Newman: Starbucks dream order

Helloooo Newman: Starbucks dream order: I don't even like the skinny tall blonde coffee I order at Starbucks. Tastes like liquid subway platform. I just keep hoping one day the...

Starbucks dream order

I don't even like the skinny tall blonde coffee I order at Starbucks. Tastes like liquid subway platform.

I just keep hoping one day they'll screw up my order and give me an actual skinny tall blonde.

No luck so far.

Helloooo Newman: Chin up

Helloooo Newman: Chin up: It's easy to get depressed with the world situation right now, isn't it? So much violence and uncertainty. What keeps me going? Doug...

Chin up

It's easy to get depressed with the world situation right now, isn't it? So much violence and uncertainty.

What keeps me going?

Doug Ford just announced that Ontarians can buy alcohol directly from Nova Scotia. All while sitting on your sofa. 

And on top of that, Toronto is getting a new and exiting convention centre.

It's not remaking the Middle East, but the convention centre will be about the size of the Middle East.

It's bold. It's beautiful. It's Doug the Slug.