Introducing Putin's lap dog. The public face of Russian killplomacy.
I think he stores Putin's botox in his cheeks. He's a chipmunk for dictators and their youthful features.
Where did the mould for this face come from? Some weird Halloween store only in Tim Burton's imagination.
This guy's eyes couldn't get any closer if you put his head in a waffle iron? Hey, let's go to IHOP, I know someone in the kitchen. Scientists have declared him a cyclops. So has his eye doctor. Charges him half price.
Forget being afraid of the draft in Russia. Imagine if this guy was a Petrushka doll. As he gets smaller and smaller, millions of Russian children get more and more damaged.
Even though he's a murdering sow, there seems something avuncular about him. I mean, if your uncle was produced from the genes of Mr. Potato Head and Jay Leno. When I look at him, I think, ya, I guess Dog the Bounty Hunter does look like Grace Kelly when you compare them side by side.
And he is a bit like potatoes. So many interesting ways to present potatoes, so many interesting ways to torture civilians. Could be a Food Channel special.
Give him another dacha and he salivates.
Also, he's a mean guy.
