Monday 19 August 2019

Beyond Flies



Vincent the Venus flytrap, pictured above, will no longer be eating flies.

In a lone effort to save the planet, he is the only flytrap moving to a complete plant-based diet. This is his last fly, and he's enjoying it like a death row inmate's last meal. It reminds me of Victor Feguer, an American murderer who requested a single olive as his last meal, before he was hanged in 1963. Simple tastes, indeed. Just like Vincent.

From now on, Vincent will eat a new product to the flytrap market – Beyond Flies. It looks like a fly, flies like a fly, hangs out in shit like a fly, might taste like a fly…but it's not a fly. It's a veggie.

"Sure, the other flytraps laugh at me. Even the flies think I'm crazy. They can flap their traps all they want. I'm busy saving mama Earth. I'm also not having children."

"Vincent's kind of the fly in the ointment, so to speak", said the other flytraps. "But hey, more flies for us."

"Have you tried a Beyond Flies fly?", we asked the other flytraps.

"I tried one. I can see how they are trying to simulate a real fly taste, but…nah. Pasty and dry. I couldn't open my pedals for weeks after."

Further investigation uncovered that while Beyond Flies are produced, they are often covered in real flies.