I slept with a porn star when I was in high school.
But instead of paying her to keep quiet, I had to pay her to admit it to my friends, so I could brag about it. Sex with me so traumatized her that she initially refused to accept that it happened.
I wasn't about to let such a glorious achievement go unnoticed in high school. I forced her to sign a disclosure agreement, so legally she had to tell everyone she met.
That's why I haven't run for President. The secret payment could come out and I would be ruined. But I would still brag about the sex with a porn star part.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
