I have some questions about the upcoming zombie apocalypse.
If I'm a vegetarian when I'm alive, and then I become a zombie, will I want to eat human flesh? That is, after all, meat. Or say I'm a vegan. As a zombie, will I wrestle with the moral implications of eating animals – and human flesh, no less. Cannibalism. That's a huge dietary leap to make. Kind of like when I switched from smooth to crunchy peanut butter.
I imagine there might be a short period where my zombie body has to adjust to eating meat. Would I get diarrhea from that? I imagine having explosive diarrhea, even as a zombie, interferes with one's day. I'd be on the toilet all day instead of wandering around some forest 24/7 with all the other badly dressed zombies. That would have its embarrassments.
Would eating humans be mandatory? What if I started a splinter group of zombies that refuse to eat humans. Would I be ostracized? So what. I'd call it ZETH – Zombies for the Ethical Treatment of Humans. I'd start a website showing the horrible conditions under which zombies eat humans alive. It would be a scandal. I feel a hashtag coming on.
The other thing I don't get is why zombies choose to eat humans right off the bat. It's not like people are an easy meal. They can run or drive away, they have guns and arrows and swords, or they can move to a nice island retreat. I'd head directly to the meat section of a grocery store. It's a no-brainer. Meat that doesn't run away and isn't armed. Just sitting there. And free. No checkout hassles. Do I care if it's stale? I don't think so. "Best before infinity".
I don't think we have the best minds on this zombie problem.
