Travel Lag

Jet lag.

When you arrive at your destination looking and feeling like the masticated salisbury steak you ditched on the plane.

Why doesn't anyone complain about car lag?

I once drove to California and the car lag was vicious. I slept it off for 3 days. In the car. It was a Jag, and that's called Jag lag.

Think about it. Every time you move laterally even a teeny tiny amount across the earth, you are in a different time zone. Unfortunately the earth is round, which is why we need time zones.

My tetchy circadian rhythm is uber time sensitive. When I travel from my bedroom to my office, down the hall, I get leg lag. Nap time.

My wife doesn't believe me. She also doesn't believe that I get wife lag, also called nag lag. That happens when she drives me around the bend. It's a long bend and you guessed it – new time zone. I'm exhausted. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Am I the only one?

Do the astronauts get space station lag? They're crossing a time zone every ten seconds. How do they ever stop napping?

Do you get subway lag on your way to work? When you arrive, do you want to nap? That's the first sign.

My worst case of car lag happens on Fridays, on the drive to the cottage. I'd love to help my wife unpack, but the effects…zzzzzzzzzzzzz. I usually recover by Sunday night.

As bad as all that, what really does me in is the beer lag. At breakfast I start the long trek back and forth to the fridge for 24 beers and 10 minutes later, it's midnight. No, it's not the beer that makes me tired. That's a dumb theory.

I wonder what travelling back in time does to jet lag. Is it reversed? Should I visit Marie Antoinette's beheading to wake me up.

I wish the earth was flat.