This is the exalted wisdom of American presidential candidate Ben Carson. Many others have said the same thing, of course. Luminaries like George W. Bush (not to be confused with George H.W., who actually seems like a reasonable guy – maybe the H is for Hey, I don't know everything, maybe a little humility is in order).
But shouldn't freedom be free? Why does it have the word free in it? That's really confusing.
Maybe it's free, but it costs something to ship it to you. Six to eight weeks? Damn, I want out of this marriage now.
Dubya tried to export freedom and boy, the shipping charges on that were a whopper. One trillion and counting.
Or the batteries on freedom are sold separately. Freedom, the action figure.
Maybe it's like Netflix. The first month of freedom is free, then you start with easy monthly payments on your credit card. Freeforthefirstmonthdom.
Or there's Uber freedom. When you feel like being free, you open your app and order freedom to drive you around for a while. Next stop, servitude.
I suppose there must be a tax on freedom – there's a tax on everything, including my workout. Very taxing.
If freedom isn't going to be free from now on, I propose we call it Costdom. So we know what we're getting. Having the word free in freedom, and then charging the customer behind his/her back is just plain dishonest.
I guess Mr. Carson (initially I thought it was Johnny Carson running for Prez) means that we have to spend money to defend freedom.
I can get behind that. But are we defending "freedom"? Aren't we really defending a specific country and a way of doing things?
Freedom is a bad, inaccurate word – just like love. I love my parents and I love how freely available porn is on the internet. Obviously, I'm not talking about the same kind of love, but I have to use the same word. Using "parents" and "porn" in the same sentence makes me want to throw up my stomach lining.
Are we really free? What an annoying question. I never ask it of myself. Except now, for this important educational moment.
Freedom is clearly a relative term. It means nothing unless compared to some other state of being. Like being hung in a closet, auto-erotic style.
Some people are more freer and some are less freer – so let's call it freerdom.
We also have freedom "to" and freedom "from". Being free to watch porn (especially free porn) means I'm free from disease. I can offer free advice on where to find free porn, but that's a later, "free", blog article.
There's also the proverbial "free lunch", which doesn't exist. This means that even if you didn't pay for your lunch, someone has to along the line. We have to call that freeformedom. It was free for me, and I don't give a shit about the other person.
Whatever freedom means, don't underestimate it. In countries like China and Russia, people are not free to read this free article. I think if China or Russia ever do become really free, I'll start charging for this blog. Free them of some of their money.
Speaking of freedom "from", I think I'd like to be free from Mr. Carson as Prez of the USA. This man does not believe in evolution. I'm afraid that for me, believing in evolution is a requirement for any important job, like Librarian or professional Funeral Mourner (a real job!).
Hey, dying ain't free.
