Me neither.
It's a time-waster.
My current mantra is: If not now, when?
This is meant to get myself to do things. I love, adore, covet putting things off. Procrastination is my minx, a pretty woman wooing me into indolence.
I also suffer from finifugalism. This is the fear of endings, of finishing anything. It's even hard to finish this sentence because I have so much to say the trees and winter's coming and I have to start my shopping what will I get this year oh no another blow dryer but the GrowBot is neat…see!
I repeat it in my mind every night before I fall asleep. I suppose this is a curious time for that specific mantra. "If not now, when?" implies I am about to do something really important that I've been putting off for years…but then I just fall asleep. I never put off falling asleep.
I enjoy putting things off so much that sometimes I will do something just to put off putting it off. Yes, it's that bad.
As a procrastinator, I'm in good company, historically speaking. There is a temple in Spain called the Sagrada Familia. Construction of the Sagrada started in 1882 by a dude named Gaudi. The damn thing is still being built. You read right. They're still adding shit to it. I have a picture of the Sagrada on my wall to remind myself of how well I actually am doing.
The main reason I put things off is fear. There's the finifugal fear, plus the fear of screwing up, failing, looking stupid, fear of missing a nap etc.
Lately, though, I've decided fear will not control me anymore. I like to say that fear is no longer my pilot. I'm the one flying the plane now. Fear is the co-pilot at best, and preferably the hot flight attendant that I can do on those moving stairs used to de-plane.
Only yesterday did I realize that "If not now, when?" is a question requiring an answer. I never thought to answer it. When is when? Now? Tomorrow at 1:20 p.m.? Once I've read all my Twitter feeds? There's no easy answer.
What are some of the things I need to do? Well, it would be cool to be bilingual. I have a friend at Toastmasters who is bilingual, and constantly reminds me of it. He speaks Spanish and English. Being a single guy, one time he told me he was also cunnilingual. I'm not sure what that meant. I said I'm married.
His favourite word was chucklefuck. "Oh man, that girl was a real chucklefuck", he would say. Nope, not sure what that means either.
I just try to focus on doin' the doin' and staying ahead of the Sagrada builders.
La Sagrada Familia
