Stairway to Sandals

I am not a person hip with organized religion.

And that's a surprise, I guess. As a kid, I went to church every Sunday and I went to Catholic school until grade three. This is prime time to inculcate people.

But even as a kid, I always had a sense that organized religion is, how would you say…bullshit.

This does not, of course, impact in any way on the possibility of a Creator. How the Creator can stomach Catholicism is anybody's guess.

Forget about all the silly details that Catholicism covers. Just look at the huge contradictions in the "story" it tells.

God created everything and is all powerful, yet feels insecure when humans, and only humans it seems, don't bow to Him.

God certainly doesn't mind that Newman won't bow to him. Newman has peed on many church lawns. That's outright disrespect if you ask me.

He didn't just create humans that always bow to him because?…He was looking for a challenge, or was bored. Perhaps boredom is the mother of invention.

The only purpose I can see for organized religion is that it helps you to become more organized. Being organized is good. In this sense, organized religion is on a par with organized crime and organized labour.

One thing I've never understood is how the afterlife is sold. The way the afterlife is portrayed by religion, it's easily up there with the most luxurious Sandals resort. And as far as I can tell, there is no money in heaven. There are probably no lineups at the buffet as well.

Heaven is Sandals on crack.

• visits to Hell are included and among the most popular day trips, except for people from Scarborough, who've spent enough time there as it is.

• Germans and Americans do go to Heaven, but behave more like regular humans compared to when they were… human.

• that blonde in the poster really is there.

If the afterlife will be so good to us, what are we waiting for?

Now there's a question for the Big Guy.