A crucial part of the "story" in most Western religions is that we have free will.
As the "story" goes, God doesn't choose good and evil for us, but lets us decide, and depending on our decision, He'll reward or punish us.
I'm tired of free will. Too lazy for it. I'm using my free will to give up my free will.
I'm sick of having to constantly wrestle with the good/evil option. It's like eating at a never-ending moral buffet. Buffets suck. Full of germs and burnt macaroni.
Ya, sometimes I do want evil. At my full time job in the 90s, I would desperately hope and pray for my boss's death. I planned his murder over and over again (in my head), even without the help of Forensic Files. I guess you could say I hated him.
I didn't act on it, of course. But it caused me a lot of stress, sleepless nights and trips to Home Depot to pick just the right gardening tool that would make it look like an accident.
Please God, you decide how I should behave from now on. I'm sick of this responsibility, and I didn't ask for it. I'm busy enough choosing from a 3000-channel universe.
Why did God even risk giving humans free will? Dumb decision, dude. Almost as annoying as telling me not to sleep with my neighbour's wife.
Are you familiar with the saying, "The devil made me do it"? It was popularized by Flip Wilson, God bless him.
Why don't we ever hear, "The God made me do it."?
Please God, make me do something. Then when it all turns to crap, I can blame you.
Have you seen the American television personality Glenn Beck? You may know him by his alter ego, whacked-out over-the-top beer-bellying religious dipstick.
Mr. Beck says that during this election we are being watched by our maker. I assume that means God and not my parents, who made me in their vision, which was fuzzy due to the Manhattan's they ingurgitated that night.
Glen goes on to say that we have to choose between good and evil. Screw that. Humans suck at making that choice. Look at Genghis Khan, Attila the Hun, Hitler, Putin, Stalin, and your local school trustee.
Why doesn't God vote? He can deal with the crappy choices we have. Or, skip the middle man and run the planet Himself. It's about fucking time.
Maybe the problem is that free will is free. When things are free, we don't respect them. I steal a lot of beer at parties, but I never enjoy it quite as much as the purchased kind.
I forsake my free will, God. I quit. Done. I'm an empty vassal.
Free Willy? No problem. Free will? Bad idea.
