If I were to vote Republican in the U.S. election, I'm told – which is to say, if I were to cut my eyelids off and serve them on crackers dabbed with couscous butter, to good friends, no less – I am to vote for John Kasich. The only reasonable choice among the GOP.
I was really believing this. I was ready to make Kasich my BFF.
Only now, BFF stand for best friend carrying a firearm.
Kasich wants to get rid of gun safety zones – gun-free areas where people aren't allowed to carry and conceal weapons.
You know what? There probably is an argument to be made against safety zones, given that every square inch of U.S. earth outside of those zones is teeming with gun-totting "second amendmenters".
Damn him. He went on to say that he doesn't want to infringe on people's "God-given right to carry handguns…" (my italics)
Is this statement more profoundly stupid than anything Trump has said? It just may be.
Let's think this through. I know that's asking a lot from a Republican these days, but just for fun…
Does God carry and conceal? Why?
Did He do His own background check? What did it turn up? Said applicant created a world where people suffer and die horrible, random deaths…oh, and some nice stuff happens too.
Why do you even need a background check if guns are a God-given right? You don't need a licence to practice democracy.
Will I need a handgun in Heaven?
I guess this is God as Clint Eastwood…Do you feel lucky…well, do you?…punk?
Jesus must have carried too. Is that the bulge in his loin cloth? Why didn't He use it against the Romans? Is there no more perfect time to defend oneself?
Let's consider more earthly questions.
If God wants you to carry a handgun, doesn't that mean the Second Amendment is handed down from God? Wouldn't that mean the Constitution itself is also God-given?
The Koran, we are told, is also handed down from, um, a competing God…Allah.
Does Kasich have an ISIS licence? Is the U.S a Caliphate?
I thought the Constitution was suppose to be a document (not a holy script) written by rational MEN, not handed down from God? Separation of… well, you know.
Maybe the real tragedy is that everyone has a right to carry a microphone. Please, God-totting Kasich, conceal that microphone.
