Helloooo Newman: And now…a word from our sponsor…

Helloooo Newman: And now…a word from our sponsor…: "GO FUCK YOURSELF" "GO FUCK YOURSELF" "GO FUCK YOURSELF" That was a word from Helloooo Newman's sole spons...

And now…a word from our sponsor…

"GO FUCK YOURSELF"

"GO FUCK YOURSELF"

"GO FUCK YOURSELF"

That was a word from Helloooo Newman's sole sponsor, X

Thank you, Elon.

We appreciate your commitment to quality!

Helloooo Newman: All I Need

Helloooo Newman: All I Need: You know that song The Air That I Breath ? Been listening to that recently. The chorus goes: Sometimes…all I need is the air that I breath a...

All I Need

You know that song The Air That I Breath?

Been listening to that recently.

The chorus goes: Sometimes…all I need is the air that I breath and to love you.

So true! But the key word is sometimes.

Sometimes I also need a beer, onion rings and a Mars bar.

Other times…all I need is a beer, onion rings and a Mars bar.

Pretty catchy

Helloooo Newman: Labelled for life

Helloooo Newman: Labelled for life: I keep getting pictures like this in my Facebook feed. Weird. I typed "Bobs" in Google. I was looking for all the Bobs I know. I g...

Labelled for life

I keep getting pictures like this in my Facebook feed.

Weird. I typed "Bobs" in Google. I was looking for all the Bobs I know.

I guess, by accident, I typed "Boobs". Total freak accident.

One slip of the finger and a guy is labelled for life.

Unfair.

Helloooo Newman: zzzzz Expert

Helloooo Newman: zzzzz Expert: I went to see a sleep specialist last week. He was asleep the entire time. I never dreamed he'd be that good.

zzzzz Expert

I went to see a sleep specialist last week. He was asleep the entire time.

I never dreamed he'd be that good.

Helloooo Newman: Say goodbye to single-use condoms

Helloooo Newman: Say goodbye to single-use condoms: You know, I wasn't gonna vote Liberal next election. So many nonsensical things they are doing. But now! With the ban on single-use plas...

Say goodbye to single-use condoms

You know, I wasn't gonna vote Liberal next election. So many nonsensical things they are doing.

But now!

With the ban on single-use plastic, they are outlawing single-use condoms. 

Finally, some common sense.

I've been doing that for years.

Wash up, men. And women?

Helloooo Newman: Dogs in Heaven

Helloooo Newman: Dogs in Heaven: Lately I've been wondering why dog medications come in bottles with safety lids. Is the rate of dog suicide by overdose exploding? They ...

Dogs in Heaven

Lately I've been wondering why dog medications come in bottles with safety lids. Is the rate of dog suicide by overdose exploding?

They can't be meant for me. I don't eat poop, diapers and underwear and then have diarrhea for a week.

Vet: He's gone. An overdose. Looks like suicide.

Me: Suicide? How do you know?

Vet: He left a note

Dog: Dear family. By now you've learned the tragic news. Sorry, but you forced my paw. Leaving the toilet lid closed? I thought by following you into the bathroom 24/7 I was making it clear I want a drink. Instead, you flush the toilet and close the lid. You try going a night without a good slurp of waste water. And your shoes. I was sure that with so many of them, some had to be for me to chew. I did the math. Most of them you never wore. Those are the ones I chewed, and you still got mad.

Anyway, you did the best you could, I guess. I'm in dog heaven and it's nothing but open toilets. I hope you learn from this hard lesson and treat your next dog a lot better.