Helloooo Newman: Throwing Shade-a on Jada

Helloooo Newman: Throwing Shade-a on Jada: Personally, I think G.I. Jada has a nice ring to it, and with the extra money Chris Rock is making at his concerts, he should produce the m...

Throwing Shade-a on Jada

Personally, I think G.I. Jada has a nice ring to it, and with the extra money Chris Rock is making at his concerts, he should produce the movie. 

Jada – the real Jada – would have to audition, of course. No freebies for such privileged movie stars.

I suppose Will could be the evil drill Sergeant. He's already passed his audition.

Oh, come on. It's a G.I. Jada joke.

Women's Movement

In an effort to advance the Women's Movement boldly into the future, one enlightened female celebrity commented that what Will Smith did was great because "that's what a man is supposed to do for his woman."

Helloooo Newman: Women's Movement

Helloooo Newman: Women's Movement: In a statement that advances the Women's Movement boldly into the future, one enlightened female celebrity commented that what Will Smit...

Helloooo Newman: Daycare Digs

Helloooo Newman: Daycare Digs: Gonna book myself into Ontario's $10 daycare. Can't live for less than that. Just have to convince someone I'm a toddler, which ...

Daycare Digs

Gonna book myself into Ontario's $10 daycare. Can't live for less than that. Just have to convince someone I'm a toddler, which has never been a problem.

Water into Wine

Since the advent of global warming, ice wine will now be called melted water wine.

Helloooo Newman: A Slap in the Face to All Great Actors

Helloooo Newman: A Slap in the Face to All Great Actors: The overlooked tragedy of the Oscar slap heard 'round the world is that Will Smith won for best actor.

A Slap in the Face to All Great Actors

The overlooked tragedy of the Oscar slap heard 'round the world is that Will Smith won for best actor.

Helloooo Newman: Window Shopping

Helloooo Newman: Window Shopping:   How much?

Window Shopping

 

How much?

Helloooo Newman: Beer Brain

Helloooo Newman: Beer Brain: Well, it's official. Scientists say that drinking any amount of alcohol is bad for the human brain. No exceptions, like if you're Ei...

Beer Brain

Well, it's official. Scientists say that drinking any amount of alcohol is bad for the human brain. No exceptions, like if you're Einstein or Carrot Top.

What they missed is that it's really awesome for the human mind.

And that's really the point, isn't it?

Politics as Usual

 

Ukrainian MP inviting Putin to come get her

Canadian PM inviting photographers to snap his skinny pants

(which totally went out, like, last year)

Helloooo Newman: Politics as Usual

Helloooo Newman: Politics as Usual:   Ukrainian MP inviting Putin to come get her Canadian PM inviting photographers to snap his skinny pants

Helloooo Newman: A Churchillian Moment in History

Helloooo Newman: A Churchillian Moment in History:  

A Churchillian Moment in History

 

Aren't your hands cold? Mine are.

Helloooo Newman: Over 64 Billion Not Sold

Helloooo Newman: Over 64 Billion Not Sold: The gloves are off. No McDonalds in Russia anymore. Pewtin can scratch that off the list of things he wants.

Over 64 Billion Not Sold

The gloves are off. No McDonalds in Russia anymore. Pewtin can scratch that off the list of things he wants.

Helloooo Newman: These Days

Helloooo Newman: These Days: I'm so glad Spring is close at hand. And the pandemic seems to be waning. Except for the hint of an impending global thermonuclear war, ...

These Days

I'm so glad Spring is close at hand. And the pandemic seems to be waning.

Except for the hint of an impending global thermonuclear war, things are looking up.

Oh, and the UN climate committee has told us that it's basically too late for humanity and we won't survive climate change. But we should keep trying to prevent it, anyway. Take our minds off extinction.

Some good news. My doctor no longer asks me to cut down on my drinking. Turns out drinking a lot is still healthier than nuclear war or extinction.

I'm kind of hoping someone gives Putin a piece of paper and he divides it in two. On the left side he lists the benefits of starting a nuclear war and on the right side the costs.

Here's my list:

Benefits:

Costs:

Everything

I've also been reading a lot about happiness. How to achieve it. Different scenarios that you might face and how to use your thinking powers to find the happiness in them. How to take a nothing day and certainly make it all seem worth while.

In flipping through my happiness book, I can't find anything on handling global thermonuclear war. That sure is an oversight. I think they need an appendix or something. Normally the appendix is useless, especially in humans, but not in this case.

Another funny thing I've noticed. How true some of those bad old clichés are. Remember the cold war phrase "better dead than red". Stupid, shallow, meaningless. Except that's the choice Ukraine is facing every day. They'd rather fight and die than live under Putin's puffy bobble head regime. Me too.

Evil empire. That's what Reagan called the Soviet Union. And we all laughed. What a bonehead. Doesn't understand history. Shallow. Except Putin is sending Russian protesters to the front lines to die in his war. To rebuild the Soviet Union. That meets my definition of the "E" word.

Ho hum, back to building my underground shelter.

Helloooo Newman: Stinging Sensation

Helloooo Newman: Stinging Sensation: Soooooo. Sting was right all along in his geopolitical analysis back in 1985. "I hope the Russians love their children too."

Stinging Sensation

Soooooo.

Sting was right all along in his geopolitical analysis back in 1985.

"I hope the Russians love their children too."