Helloooo Newman: Praying Mantis

Helloooo Newman: Praying Mantis: I was watching Monster Bug Wars last night. Feel sorry for all those praying mantises who get eaten by predators. All that praying and they ...

Praying Mantis

I was watching Monster Bug Wars last night. Feel sorry for all those praying mantises who get eaten by predators. All that praying and they go unanswered. Just like us pathetic humans.

I wouldn't doubt there's some atheist mantises out there. A few might be agnostic. They just don't get any press.

Routine

Routine. They say it's good for you. Keeps you centered.

I don't know about you, but my routine now includes checking to see what Doug Ford will allow me to do this week.

The list is growing, which is so exciting. 

Yup. Sip of coffee. Doug Ford's rules. 

Keeps me centered.

Helloooo Newman: UN Resolution

Helloooo Newman: UN Resolution: The UN passed a resolution declaring today "John Tory please get your fucking haircut" day. You will not be cancelled. Not even yo...

UN Resolution

The UN passed a resolution declaring today "John Tory please get your fucking haircut" day.

You will not be cancelled. Not even your cable.

Also, it's the long weekend, Ontario. In case it slips your mind, stay inside and do nothing.

You wanna do something? Go to the US.

Helloooo Newman: Business Investment

Helloooo Newman: Business Investment: I'm starting a new business called Jenga Construction. Looking for investors. Interested?

Business Investment

I'm starting a new business called Jenga Construction.

Looking for investors. Interested?

Helloooo Newman: Home Sweet Money

Helloooo Newman: Home Sweet Money: My daughter's old Barbie house sold for way over asking on Kijiji. And only one bathroom. What a crazy house market. 

Home Sweet Money

My daughter's old Barbie house sold for way over asking on Kijiji. And only one bathroom. What a crazy house market. 

Helloooo Newman: Fordified Ontario

Helloooo Newman: Fordified Ontario: I rest easy at night knowing that Doug the Slug is keeping Ontario safe. The best way to do that is to fine people for being inside and outs...

Fordified Ontario

I rest easy at night knowing that Doug the Slug is keeping Ontario safe.

The best way to do that is to fine people for being inside and outside. Police have charged four people for driving in a car together. Not fair. As the weather gets warmer, I would like to have a pool, and if a car pool is my only option, why punish me?

The good news is you can't be fined for being beside yourself, unless you have split personality and there's more than 5 of you.

Physics tells us that if you're not inside, you're outside. But that's illegal too. The other day I was fined for golfing. I pleaded with the judge. Fortunately because it was mini-golf, the fine was smaller.

The judge and I had a laugh about how difficult the shot is around the windmill. He uses a wedge but I use a driver. Different strokes for different folks, I say. Good thing I was driving alone.

Helloooo Newman: Sock it to me

Helloooo Newman: Sock it to me:  I wish my feet were where my hands are. Would be so much easier to put my socks on.

Sock it to me

 I wish my feet were where my hands are. Would be so much easier to put my socks on.

Helloooo Newman: Grass Fed Up

Helloooo Newman: Grass Fed Up: What's the big deal with grass-fed beef? I can't imagine cows enjoy it. If I lived the life they did, I would for sure want to enjoy...

Grass Fed Up

What's the big deal with grass-fed beef? I can't imagine cows enjoy it. If I lived the life they did, I would for sure want to enjoy a juicy steak from time to time. With some frites. Especially if I'm on a farm in Paris.

Besides, I think cows should use their own product if they're going to sell it. Remember the Hair Club for Men commercials. The President wasn't just the President. He was a client too.

Cows should eat beef every once in a while. I'm more likely to eat them if they do.

Helloooo Newman: Tim Horton Hears a Poop

Helloooo Newman: Tim Horton Hears a Poop: Tried the new Tim Hortons dark blend. Made me think about their contest - roll up the toilet rim to win - is that what it's called?

Tim Horton Hears a Poop

Tried the new Tim Hortons dark blend. Made me think about their contest - roll up the toilet rim to win - is that what it's called?

Helloooo Newman: Zoom Meeting

Helloooo Newman: Zoom Meeting: Shit, I was stopped by a cop yesterday. Said I was going way too fast, just zoomed by him. Not my fault. I was in a Zoom meeting. He bought it.

Zoom Meeting

Shit, I was stopped by a cop yesterday. Said I was going way too fast, just zoomed by him.

Not my fault. I was in a Zoom meeting.

He bought it.