Helloooo Newman: Hot and bothered

Helloooo Newman: Hot and bothered: It's too fucking hot. For too fucking long. Come on, planet earth! You've made your point. Now cool it! The other day I didn't g...

Hot and bothered

It's too fucking hot.

For too fucking long.

Come on, planet earth! You've made your point.

Now cool it!

The other day I didn't get a chance to eat and I got really hangry.

It was also really fucking hot, so I got…again, hangry.

We get it. It's a global problem requiring a global solution.

That's why North American is electric "car-ing". Canada is even forcing it by 2035.

Bit of a wee tiny problem, though. 

Our politicians won't let us buy electric cars that we can actually afford. 

Someone on the globe can make really cheap electric cars. To help us with this global problem. We don't like them much, but it's a global problem. And suddenly they're trying to "flood" the world with cheap electric cars. A substitute word for cheap is affordable. In a world which needs electric cars. How dare them.

Nope! Not a global problem anymore. Instead of "flooding" the world with electric cars, we prefer to watch it flood with water.

Imagine doing that with food? Forcing people to eat a certain food and then raising the price? 

It's the 2 guys below that are in charge. Get it? Charge? Can't even afford a car I can charge. Can't charge it on my credit card. I'm not in charge.

Anyway, mother earth. I know you're hangry with us.

Stay tuned.

Helloooo Newman: Air Nada

Helloooo Newman: Air Nada: Canadians celebrate in hopes that Air Canada pilots will go on strike and they won't be forced to fly Canada's national airline. I p...

Air Nada

Canadians celebrate in hopes that Air Canada pilots will go on strike and they won't be forced to fly Canada's national airline.

I predict once they stop flying, they'll be voted the best airline in North America instead of the worst.

Their new motto: Fly the Metrolinx of the skies

Helloooo Newman: Strike Two?

Helloooo Newman: Strike Two?: Metrolinx was going to join the train strike but realized no one would notice they stopped working.

Strike Two?

Metrolinx was going to join the train strike but realized no one would notice they stopped working.

Helloooo Newman: New breed

Helloooo Newman: New breed: In an effort to break up the Google monopoly, it will be mated with a poodle and called Poogle.

New breed

In an effort to break up the Google monopoly, it will be mated with a poodle and called Poogle.

Helloooo Newman: Goodbye yellow brick bike path

Helloooo Newman: Goodbye yellow brick bike path: Metrolinx, known for its rigorous construction schedules and tight budgets, put in a quote to build 2 km of bike paths. Cost: $150 million A...

Goodbye yellow brick bike path

Metrolinx, known for its rigorous construction schedules and tight budgets, put in a quote to build 2 km of bike paths. Cost: $150 million

A wise person sat down with them and informed them the bike lanes are not on Pluto, but in the city of Toronto.

Oh. That will be more expensive, said Metrolinx.

Helloooo Newman: Micro cause 'em

Helloooo Newman: Micro cause 'em: Yesterday I threw my coffee across the room as I read that everything we eat and drink has micro-plastics in it. Is that a micro-aggression?...

Micro cause 'em

Yesterday I threw my coffee across the room as I read that everything we eat and drink has micro-plastics in it.

Is that a micro-aggression? I mean, technically speaking.

Helloooo Newman: Colossal egg hunt

Helloooo Newman: Colossal egg hunt: Must have been brutal for kids on Easter Island during Easter. Trying to find colossal stone eggs buried in the ground. Then digging them up...

Colossal egg hunt

Must have been brutal for kids on Easter Island during Easter.

Trying to find colossal stone eggs buried in the ground. Then digging them up and putting them in a basket. Then getting to the chocolate inside.

Sounds like a lot of work.