Are you too dumb, or smart, for smart water?
Are you too thin for diet water?
Are you too fat for fat water?
Does your water lack a certain…musicality?
Rest easy, thirsty one.
You can now drink Handel's Water Music Water from a bottle.
Handel's Water Music Water From a Bottle (Trademarked, so hands off) hits all the right notes. It's the most musical water available.
Every time you open a bottle of Handel's Water Music Water From a Bottle you will hear, and taste, Handel's beautiful composition. On some bottles (all bottles) we've experienced technical glitches, so it would good to have the actual music on hand just in case.
You can pour the water into a glass and the music keeps playing. You may even decide not to drink the delicious water because you are soaked up in the sounds of Handel. Don't wait too long. The sound quality, like the water, degrades with the buildup of bacteria – you want to avoid cholera, dysentery, and too much treble.
And the best part? Later on, when you pee the water out, the music plays again. As an early adopter of this wonderful technology, you should avoid public washrooms, since music coming from your crotch is kinda weird. But once everyone is drinking it, go ahead, have a concert in that stall.
It's not just water lovers that are gurgling the praises of Handel's Water Music Water From a Bottle. The musical reviews are top-notch. Rolling Stone magazine calls it the best version of Handel's Water Music they have ever consumed. Pediatricians recommend you force-feed it to your baby because classical music makes little Billy smarter.
Handel's Water Music Water From a Bottle is playing at a store near you.
