Saturday 25 March 2017

You are Too Funny

The average Helloooo Newman fan.

Dear Helloooo Newman readers…are you finding the blogs too funny?

Lately I've had crowds of 1 or 2 people rush me, complaining that they are laughing too hard at the articles.

They suffered from "too funny", also known as being "over-funnied" and "over-entertained". Just like being "over-tired", and you can't sleep, when you are "over-entertained" you can't laugh anymore, and you actually forget what you are laughing at.

There are real dangers in "too funny".

As my brain lays awake every night delicately constructing brilliant articles (and I sleep), I've always been careful not to make things "too funny".

Do I really want to put a warning on every blog that says, "Caution: severe laughter may exacerbate certain medical conditions"? I really don't want to worsen your IBS. The word "exacerbate" makes me squirm.

Or, "Warning: brilliance and funny are closer than they appear".

All very awkward. That's why I tone down the funny. Way below 11. It's for your safety.

Like Nigel in Spinal Tap, who asked us not to look at his favourite guitar, I have locked away my best material, only to be revealed upon my death by Geraldo Rivera. Please, don't feel badly if you wish me to die soon so this "11, 12 and 13…1000" material can be revealed. All in good time.

I also stay away from "too funny" because, frankly, I don't want to steal success away from other struggling comedians, like Louis C.K., Amy Schumer and Jim Gaffigan. Struggling in the sense that they're struggling with fame and shitloads of money. I shudder at those kinds of problems.

So, the next time you visit Helloooo Newman, don't worry. I am keeping the funny down for your well being.