Thursday 24 November 2016

Bygones



Who are the Bygones?

Apparently it's important to let Bygones be themselves, unhindered, unchained by social norms and able to express themselves freely.

We shorten this to "let Bygones be Bygones."

But who are these people, the Bygones, why do they get to behave any way they want, and is anyone trying to stop them from being themselves?

I imagine they are some ancient tribe in New Guinea that's resisting Western culture. There is a small band of capitalist marauders trying to crush their way of life, extinguish their language, steal their children and put them to work in Taco Bell kitchens filling tacos with antibiotic-bred beef.

I wish I was a Bygone because then my wife would stop trying to mould me into a better man. Bygones get to be whoever they are.

"Honey, the leaves need raking. Put the beer down, finish your breakfast and get moving."

"Listen sweetie, can we just let Bygones be Bygones?"

"You're not a Bygone."

"Yes I am. I got a monthly membership yesterday. They're dying out, sweetie. Someone's gotta keep the tradition going."

"Was that the VISA charge just below PornHub?"

"Let Bygones be Bygones, sweetie."