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| Robin Williams (RIP) in Dead Poets Society, where he popularized the term Carpe Diem |
I need a new life philosophy, pronto! The old one, drink until everything seems awesome, doesn't work anymore. I want something I can pull out of my back pocket to get me through those times when life seems meaningless and the personal challenges pile up.
A friend suggested Carpe Diem. Carpe Diem? Thanks, but I don't like fish.
Carpe Diem is Latin for "Seize the Day". That feels "wisey" and hopeful. Except I'm confused about it.
First off, it doesn't specify which day to seize. Is it Monday morning at work, when I want to seize all the "water cooler" people and strangle them? It damn well better not be while I'm binge-watching, during which I enjoy my most productive t.v. and sofa time. And forget my birthday. I'm a year older and the only seize in my day will be a seizure.
What's the word "seize" doing in a life philosophy? I use this word when the government "seizes" my assets or the bank "seizes" my house. What am I, the calendar cop? Hey "today", you're under arrest. Keep that up and you'll be yesterday's news.
If by "the day" it means the current day, that just doesn't work for me. I'm too busy doing other shit, like eating, drinking coffee and napping.
I'm more comfortable with Carpe Yesterday, or Seize Yesterday. It's much easier to seize yesterday because it's already happened and I know where it is. It's probably not expecting me so I can seize it much more quickly. As far as days go, yesterday beats today because yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away. Go ahead and quote me on that.
Yesterday must be tired. I know I am after a full day of activities. Yesterday is so tired I can jump it, tie it up and keep it prisoner until I'm psyched for the actual seizing part.
The best thing about yesterday is that it's impossible to reach, so I don't really have to do anything, except sit around and type words.
Carpe Tomorrow is even better. I can take the entire current day to plan my seizure. Better still is Carpe Next Year because then I can take an entire year to think about it. Sure, some people call that procrastination, but I don't listen to the haters.
Then I hit upon a new and exciting idea…
Carpe Per Diem or "Seize the Money Every Day".
Forget philosophy. I'll take money in my back pocket.
