Someone recently asked Donald Trump about his stance on…bathrooms.
If you ask me, two important issues that are consistently overlooked by the LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD are bathroom use and overdue library books.
His answer, not exactly in these words (though perhaps they should have been), was, "Are you fucking kidding me? Use whatever bathroom you want. Is this really an issue worth fighting about?"
Surprise. Trump is on the right side of an issue. The government of North Carolina can go fuck itself.
But I want more detail on how the LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD would navigate such tumultuous toity terrain.
Me: "You say transgenders can use whatever bathroom they want. But does this include going #1 and #2?"
Trump: "I will make America #1 again. That means anyone can go #1 or #2 anywhere, anytime."
Me: "I could so go for a #2 at Katz's Deli in New York."
Trump: "Me 2."
Me: "What about pee stains?"
Trump: "Ah yes, very important. Can you remind me why I care about this?
Me: "Below every urinal across this great country, on the floor, lies a pee stain, from all the shaking and dripping. Can that be eradicated?"
Trump: "It will be. Right after I eradicate ISIS."
Me: "And overdue library books?"
Trump: "Return them, people. Especially my book. Go buy it instead."
