That's because Wolf has been covering the human news since wolves first appeared, oh, about fifty million years ago, as estimated by scientists.
One builds up a pretty good resume after that much time. I wouldn't want to be the HR person who has to sift through his 100,000 page resume, but boy, I would be impressed with the page count.
Wolf Blitzer is one of those names where I have trouble believing someone actually called their child "Wolf", and someone's family name is actually "Blitzer".
Isn't there a reindeer called Blitzer?
Mr. Blitzer is German, so you're probably thinking that "Wolf" is short for "Wolfgang", a common German name.
You could call Wolf the Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart of news yelling. He started very early, coming out of the womb screaming about the "situation" in the Middle East, and with nary a teleprompter in sight.
However, after considerable research, I discovered that Wolfgang is not the etymology of his first name. He was, in fact, raised by wolves.
Wolf would sit in playgrounds and recite, in a newsy bellow, the various goings on of the children. People had enough when he started muckraking the parents, accusing them of affairs, embezzlement, child abuse, or colluding with Yasser Arafat. He wouldn't stop so his parents quietly left him in a nearby forest and the wolves received him without question.
When he first started in television, he would howl the news, pee on the cameras, causing an electrical fire, and then stalk, attack and eat his co-anchor. People got tired of the studio looking bloodier then the local car accidents they would cover.
Years of training has pared down those nasty instincts to a simple monotone yelling into the camera.
Somewhere along the line he made a huge civilizational leap – wearing really nice suits. This was accompanied by sophisticated talk, cocktail parties, art appreciation and a taste for the finer wines. I trust Wolf Blass is his wine of choice?
The true "wolf" in him lingers with those blue wolf eyes and oval pupils. Wide and always looking for the kill. Sometimes I'm still afraid he will reach out of the television and turn me into stewing beef.
I think if CNN ever dumps Blitzer, he has a career as a mutant, don't you?
Wolferine Blitzer?
