Helloooo Newman: The View

Helloooo Newman: The View: Yesterday a woman asked me about my views on lesbians and I told her it's usually in full HD, but sometimes I'm stuck with just my A...

The View

Yesterday a woman asked me about my views on lesbians and I told her it's usually in full HD, but sometimes I'm stuck with just my Apple Watch.

Helloooo Newman: Longer Universe

Helloooo Newman: Longer Universe: Cosmologists have discovered that if we keep daylight savings permanent, the universe will last 1 trillion years longer and have lots of lig...

Longer Universe

Cosmologists have discovered that if we keep daylight savings permanent, the universe will last 1 trillion years longer and have lots of light to stay out and play.

Helloooo Newman: Where were you?

Helloooo Newman: Where were you?: So? Where were you? When Taylor and Travis announced? Wedding bells, the new instrument on her next album I was shopping for Preparation H, ...

Where were you?

So?

Where were you?

When Taylor and Travis announced?

Wedding bells, the new instrument on her next album

I was shopping for Preparation H, on sale, aisle 4

Also cleanup on aisle 4

Sorry

Helloooo Newman: Sacrifical lamb

Helloooo Newman: Sacrifical lamb: In a weird way it's comforting that cops want me to give up all my belongings and possibly get murdered rather than defend myself and po...

Sacrifical lamb

In a weird way it's comforting that cops want me to give up all my belongings and possibly get murdered rather than defend myself and possibly break the law.

I'm willing to sacrifice myself for the police. That's why there's police.

Helloooo Newman: I would walk 10,000 steps

Helloooo Newman: I would walk 10,000 steps: My doctor told me it's okay to walk 10,000 steps a day as long as it's in the direction of a hospital just in case I collapse.

I would walk 10,000 steps

My doctor told me it's okay to walk 10,000 steps a day as long as it's in the direction of a hospital just in case I collapse.

Helloooo Newman: Dry Hell

Helloooo Newman: Dry Hell: I use to really worry about going to Hell. Until I read an obscure passage in the Bible that says it's a really dry heat. Not so worried...

Dry Hell

I use to really worry about going to Hell. Until I read an obscure passage in the Bible that says it's a really dry heat.

Not so worried anymore. I can deal with dry. Sounds better than Toronto, that's for sure. And if they have a subway, I bet it works all the time.

Helloooo Newman: Vlad "Cheeks" Putin

Helloooo Newman: Vlad "Cheeks" Putin: I would have thought Putin would show up in a bigger plane, given the amount of botox in his cheeks. Anyway, let's hope for a happy endi...

Vlad "Cheeks" Putin

I would have thought Putin would show up in a bigger plane, given the amount of botox in his cheeks.

Anyway, let's hope for a happy ending. Putin and Lavrov in an Alabama prison.

Helloooo Newman: Micro question

Helloooo Newman: Micro question: I understand the world is filled with micro-plastics and yet I never see them. But I see the micro-brewery I visit all the time. What's ...

Micro question

I understand the world is filled with micro-plastics and yet I never see them. But I see the micro-brewery I visit all the time.

What's going on?

Helloooo Newman: Inflation party

Helloooo Newman: Inflation party: Burgers at my place. Bring your own buns.

Inflation party

Burgers at my place. Bring your own buns.