Helloooo Newman: Shit-Yikes-Yipee

Helloooo Newman: Shit-Yikes-Yipee: Shit-yikes-yipee. For the first time in 3 years, I'm going to a house party. With more than 2 people in attendance. I'm mixed-emotin...

Shit-Yikes-Yipee

Shit-yikes-yipee.

For the first time in 3 years, I'm going to a house party. With more than 2 people in attendance.

I'm mixed-emoting right now. 🍺😷

Rapid testing. Rapid drinking. Rapid talking. I'm leaning in, from 6 feet away.

Since I'm an Apple user, I downloaded iMmunity.

Swipe left and I'm invincible. Problem is, once it's in my body, the battery only last 2 hours and then I have to plug myself in for 1 hour. Excuse me, is that USB port free?

Hey, can you come here and talk? My cord isn't that long. Those were my first words when I was born.

I was walking through the cemetery the other day and they have this sign that says please keep 6 feet away from other people.

That's easy, I thought. Aren't they all 6 feet under?

Wish me luck.

The Russian Army is Crushing It

Seems like Russian soldiers aren't too happy about bombing maternity wards, killing pregnant women and babies, as well as dying themselves. Add to that having to steal food from the people they're killing. Not a drop of caviar in sight. Oh, forgot the frostbite they are getting, even though this lesson was learned by the Germans back in WW2.

They've come up with an ingenious solution. I wish I had thought of this for a couple of my old bosses.

On tank regiment got a little tired of their boss barking orders at them. "Yes, that baby hospital is a secret military installation - destroy it.". Well, they didn't want to hear that, so they ran over his legs with the tank. So far no new orders from this boss.

Russian commanders that are run over by tanks are now part of the Crushian army.

Helloooo Newman: The Russian Army is Crushing It

Helloooo Newman: The Russian Army is Crushing It: Seems like Russian soldiers aren't too happy about killing pregnant women and babies, bombing maternity wards, as well as dying themselv...