My head is coming out of the closet

I guess now is a good time to admit to my loyal readers a secret I've been shouldering for a while now.

Actually, forget my shoulders. It's about my head. I'm coming out of the closet about my head.

Yes, I use Product on my hair. With a capital "P". That rhymes with "G". G, that's expensive Product. Is there Cocaine in it?

The secret, really, is that my hair is thinning and the Product is suppose to thicken things up.

I know, the thinning part isn't so much a secret. Only to my self-esteem.

The Product comes in three varieties.

1: Helps just-starting-to-thin hair
2: For noticeably thinning hair
3: Helps grow a penis on your head so people don't notice the absence of hair. A Hair Distraction System.

Oh, look at that gentleman. So old and not balding. What an attractive penis on his head.

Actually, I use number two. I'm not sure if it works yet, but last week as I was massaging some into my scalp, a drop fell onto my lips and I had to shave them the next morning. Glad I wasn't using number three! I'm, um, not into that.