Helloooo Newman: NDE

Helloooo Newman: NDE: What's with this near death experience? People say, with this angelic look glued on their visage, that they died and joined the afterlif...

NDE

What's with this near death experience?

People say, with this angelic look glued on their visage, that they died and joined the afterlife, which is always the same. Saw my relatives, I was at total peace, no traffic, no taxes, I didn't want to come back.

Yet when they're alive they don't even want to have Thanksgiving dinner with their relatives. There are no food fights in Heaven.

Besides, if you're dead, you're not near dead. You're dead. You're not mostly dead. You're dead. So where did this "near" come from?

I'm near death. So are you. It could happen in a New York nanosecond. A Fedex truck hits you. You're dead and in Heaven, Fedup with life.

It's doesn't get any nearer.

Imagine coming back to life and your entire attitude is "I don't want to be here. This sucks. You should check out this other place" God has some 'splanin' to do. Why live if being dead is so wonderful? It's like when I was stuck in the New Jersey airport on my way to New York. This sucks, where's Legoland?

Then God saunters along, Jesus chained to His leg. Welcome to the party, pal (being in charge of the afterlife, obviously he's a Die Hard fan). Party's over. Yer going back. Enjoy. Taxes due next week.

Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!