Helloooo Newman: Hip-ster

Helloooo Newman: Hip-ster: The other day a group of young girls said to me, "hey, you're the new hipster." It made me feel really good. I'm doing som...

Helloooo Newman: Mancott

Helloooo Newman: Mancott: I'm gonna be a man. I'm gonna eat a month's worth of food today and then mancott Loblaws for the month of May.

Mancott

I'm gonna be a man.

I'm gonna eat a month's worth of food today and then mancott Loblaws for the month of May.

Hip-ster

The other day a group of young girls said to me, "hey, you're the new hipster."

It made me feel really good. I'm doing something right.

Later it was explained to me they actually said, "hey, you need a new hip, sir".

Helloooo Newman: Taylor Made

Helloooo Newman: Taylor Made: I almost want to cheat so Taylor Swift will write a song about me.

Taylor Made

I almost want to cheat so Taylor Swift will write a song about me.

Helloooo Newman: Yukky breastfeeding

Helloooo Newman: Yukky breastfeeding: Did you hear about the comedian (Arj Barker) who kicked a breastfeeding woman out of his show? In Australia, of all places. I thought men i...

Yukky breastfeeding

Did you hear about the comedian (Arj Barker) who kicked a breastfeeding woman out of his show?

In Australia, of all places. I thought men in Australia worshipped breasts.

I'm a bit torn. Part of me says I would have kicked the mom out but asked the baby to stay. Not his fault.

But, and I hate to do this, I feel the need to ask all breastfeeding women reading this blog to stop reading, or feeding, NOW.

It distracts the readers. Especially me.

Noisy baby. Two bouncy castles in your face. Who can put a sentence together?

If you want to breastfeed in public, put it on YouTube or TikTok, like everyone else.

Send me the link. Just don't do it during my blog.

Thank you.

Helloooo Newman: Secret Fetish

Helloooo Newman: Secret Fetish: I have a secret fetish. I like to wear men's underwear. There. I said it. Go ahead, judge me. But don't tell anyone, okay?

Secret Fetish

I have a secret fetish.

I like to wear men's underwear.

There. I said it.

Go ahead, judge me.

But don't tell anyone, okay?

Helloooo Newman: The long bucket list

Helloooo Newman: The long bucket list:   Another achievement off everyone's bucket list

The long bucket list

 

Another achievement off everyone's bucket list

Helloooo Newman: Bag Man

Helloooo Newman: Bag Man: How weird that Ford is bringing back paper bags. It's like he's reminding us he can't lead his was out of a paper bag. On the pl...

Bag Man

How weird that Ford is bringing back paper bags.

It's like he's reminding us he can't lead his was out of a paper bag.

On the plus side, all the trees cut down to produce the bags will come from his cottage.

Helloooo Newman: Stoned

Helloooo Newman: Stoned: They survived the eclipse. Now it's time to remind your kids: no staring directly at Medusa

Stoned

They survived the eclipse.

Now it's time to remind your kids: no staring directly at Medusa

Helloooo Newman: LCBO

Helloooo Newman: LCBO: The LCBO has been asked to bring back paper bags. Bags that are recyclable and made from recycled materials. This means I will no longer for...

LCBO

The LCBO has been asked to bring back paper bags. Bags that are recyclable and made from recycled materials.

This means I will no longer forget to bring one of the 4000 reusable bags I have stored up in my closet. Bags that aren't recyclable, covered in mold and will end up in a landfill site.

A cynical person might think they are making a little money on the side charging for bags. But, of course, we aren't cynical here at Helloooo Newman. As always, the liquor people have our best interests at heart.

The LCBO will no longer stand for the Liquor Control Bags of Ontario.

Helloooo Newman: Always wear protection

Helloooo Newman: Always wear protection: Damned if I can find solar eclipse contacts!

Always wear protection

Damned if I can find solar eclipse contacts!

Helloooo Newman: Suing Reality

Helloooo Newman: Suing Reality: In a bold move, Ontario school boards have expanded their lawsuit from media giants to include reality itself. We're tired of reality. I...

Suing Reality

In a bold move, Ontario school boards have expanded their lawsuit from media giants to include reality itself.

We're tired of reality. It's time things are the way they should be. We hope to win a lot of money, and make things the way we want them to be.

Next on the list. The English language, for having cuss words.

Helloooo Newman: Total eclipse of the brain

Helloooo Newman: Total eclipse of the brain: Has everyone gone mad? Cancel school because of the eclipse? Wear special glasses? Watch it at nighttime, like me. Dummies

Total eclipse of the brain

Has everyone gone mad?

Cancel school because of the eclipse?

Wear special glasses?

Watch it at nighttime, like me.

Dummies

Helloooo Newman: KIA

Helloooo Newman: KIA: I've been car shopping recently. Was considering a KIA, but I think it's really inappropriate to name a car Killed In Action. Rude a...

KIA

I've been car shopping recently.

Was considering a KIA, but I think it's really inappropriate to name a car Killed In Action.

Rude and insensitive.