Death by I.Q.

A recent study has shown that people with higher IQs live longer. Read more here: https://www.livescience.com/51829-smart-people-live-longer.html

That's good news, I guess. But don't you feel sorry for the family doctor that has to tell his dumber patients they will die young?

Patient: Hey doc, everything dandy with my checkup?

Doctor: Mmmmm. Well, all the usual tests are fine…looks really great…still…you don't have much longer to live.

Patient: Is it a brain tumour? You can tell me, doc.

Doctor: Not precisely…it'ssss…a brain thing.

Patient: Come on, doc. Give it to me straight.

Doctor: Sure. You're an idiot. More than that. You're a fucking hammerhead. You have brain retardedness. You're a dullard, a dork and a dunce.

Patient: Seriously, doc. Be honest.

Doctor: A shitwit, nitwit and a ninny. A lunkhead and a meathead. A halfwit. Less than a halfwit – 1/1000 of a wit. A minus wit.

Patient: Stop beating around the bush, doc.

Doctor: A nincompoop. Cretin. An eejit and a lummox. A fuck-knuckle. A tomfool. A bleedin' gobshite. A witless wonder and a wazzer …in my expert opinion.

Patient: I see. Is that your diploma on the wall? The ink is running.

Doctor: Ah, shit. Didn't have dry to time. It's fake.

Patient: You mean you're not a real doctor?

Doctor: Are you kidding me? I was too dumb to get into medical school. A beanbrain. Dipstick and a dumb cluck. A dimbo and a dumbo. A space cadet and a…