Scientists and medical professionals continue to study the negative health effects of coffee.
Coffee drinkers continue to not give a shit.
"For some reason, doctors want to take a shit in my coffee. Stop me from drinking it. I won't. I'll just pretend it's another type of Starbucks mocha melange…", said one coffee drinker we interviewed.*
Soon we will find that studying cancer causes cancer and drinking coffee causes happiness.
* a direct quote for a non-existent person.
HELLOOOO NEWMAN: Laughter is your sixth sense
