Sunday 28 January 2018

Name Change

As Helloooo Newman fans may know, some of my favourite celebrities include Jennifer Lawrence (J.Law), Jennifer Lopez (J.Lo), P. Diddy, Jay-Z, and until recently, Bill Cosby (Jel.O).

In keeping with this name trend, I ask all fans to address me as P. Hard.

That's instead of my real name, Paul Hardie, or the name Interpol has in their database, Piano Hands Paul.

As you know, I get large crowds of one or two people approaching me and yelling out PAUL, PAUL, WE LOVE YOU.

That's not cool. I mean, the LOVE part is. In an effort to stay relevant and hip with the name, please, it's P. HARD.

An awareness campaign about the name change will begin next week in washrooms across the city – "Laugh Hard with P Hard"