Monday 17 April 2017

Near Death


Are near-death experiences proof of an afterlife?

The giveaway word is "near". Near-death means you are very much alive but somewhere in the vicinity of death. Maybe you live in the same neighbourhood as death, perhaps just down the street. You might take the same bus to work as death, but you definitely don't get off at the same stop. Death orders the same latte as you, but it's not so nearly as sweet.

Okay, maybe you even knock on death's door to borrow some lemons, but there's no answer. By the way, if death gives you lemons, forget about lemonade. You rub that lemon on the tiniest paper cut.

The point is you are nearly dead, and mostly still alive.

To actually be dead, you've moved in with death. You have a cot in the basement with no windows, a leaky toilet and a very large and noisy furnace. The front door is locked and you can't order Chinese food so the doorbell rings and you open the door to escape. You eat dinner with death, and it's burnt meatloaf every day. You are not leaving.

A near-death experience is really a before-death experience, so whatever happens doesn't really count as afterlife.

Let me interview someone who's been dead for a year, and then maybe I'll believe in an afterlife.

Near-death experiences must be scary, but far scarier are near-life experiences. To live a near-life experience is to live life as if you were dead. No passion, excitement or challenges. You just haven't been buried yet.

I think I'd prefer near-death.