Friday 6 November 2015

Heeeerrrrs Johnny

Okay, now I'm really confused.

Who would I vote for? Donald Trump or Ben Carson?

This is strikingly similar to a question I asked myself last week – what would I rather die of, necrotizing fasciitis or lewy body dementia?

Dilemmas, dilemmas.

Mr. Carson is actually Dr. Carson. Doctors are smart, aren't they?

Dr. Carson recently said he believes the pyramids were built by the biblical Joseph to store grain.

You know, I'm not really sure how smart the ancient Egyptians were. None of them had PhDs, like Dr. Carson has.

Now keep in mind I'm neither an architect nor a farmer. However, if I were building a structure to hold grain, I would probably built it mostly empty. You know, so it could hold as much grain as possible. That way I'm not constantly riding my camel back and forth to the grain store, to fill up my grain pyramid.

The pyramids are mostly not empty, save for a few tunnels and chambers containing mummified corpses.

They are pretty much solid stone. Wow, someone in Egypt screwed up on the grain holding portfolio. Yet they had the astounding skill to build the pyramid in the first place. Somehow they carved and moved stones the size of bungalows. Confounding, indeed.

Think about a simple water-carrying jug, which I think the Egyptians carried on their heads. What shape is it? Is it tall and bowl shaped, or pyramid shaped, because it looks really cool.

They went with the bowl shape, a great decision. The bowl shape holds more water per unit of carrying time. A pyramid-shaped container would hold much less water, or would have to be about the size of the actual pyramid to make it worth while.

Someone in ancient Egypt forgot to apply the bowl logic to the pyramids. The chief architect declared, "Let's have the grain storage unit come to a point. It holds less grain, but it's gnarly, dude." I wonder if he was eventually fired.

Does anyone really care about Dr. Carson's grasp of history? Not really. Except that he's applying for a job that allows him to launch in the neighbourhood of 5,000 nuclear weapons. He gets to make that decision.

Unless…Unless he thinks those missile silos actually contain grain, not civilization-ending bombs.

I'm throwing my hands up and voting for Johnny Carson.