Saturday 11 April 2015

The Unwritten Self Help Book

I was crammed on the subway today and I kept myself busy reading a poster. I guess I had no choice, since my face was pressed firmly into it from the 5,000 bodies leaning against me.

The poster was advertising a self help book. The concept was "change your habits and change yourself", or something of that nature.

That seemed a little redundant to me. Change yourself and you will change yourself. Thanks for that advice.

One of the tag lines on the book cover was "want to lose more weight?"

It occurred to me, you never see a book for people who need to gain weight. Despite the doom and gloom of the so-called obesity crisis, some people are way too skinny in our society.

You'll look like skin and bone at your funeral. Why not wait until then? Meanwhile, try eating some food.

Want to Gain Weight? The New Let's Eat More Food Book

What would be the contents of this book? Well, that's easy. It would be one page with a list on it.

Here's the list:

• Eat more food, and eat more of the food that is fattening.
• Do this all the time, not just for a few days, weeks or months.
• Throw up your food less often.
• Throw out all your size 2 bikinis.
• Lift weights until it hurts. Muscle weighs more than fat.

That's it! That's the book. I think we can all agree this is the best advice for someone who longs to be fatter.

SO…why wouldn't the opposite be true for people longing to be skinnier?

Want to Lose Weight? The New Let's Eat Less Food Book

What would be the contents of this book? Well, that's easy. It would be one page with a list on it.

Here's the list:

• Eat less food, and eat less of the food that is fattening.
• Do this all the time, not just for a few days, weeks or months.
• Throw up your food more often.
• Throw out all your size 18 bikinis.
• Lift bags of feathers until you get bored. Fat weighs less than muscle.

Now, are you really going to buy a book with just one page in it? I hope not.

So, save your money and enjoy being yourself. Neverending improvement is for cleaning products and food flavours.