Thursday 6 November 2014

Who's the Boss?

Why is it that only blue collar workers refer to customers as "boss"?

I was at the mechanic and the attendant kept calling me boss. "Your car is ready, boss." He had to say it three times because my name is not boss and I didn't know he was talking to me. I was busy lying on the floor checking the differentials on various trucks. They were all…um…the same?

I suppose he is right, though. At least temporarily, I am his boss in that I have "hired" him for a short time to attend to my needs.

He was a nice guy so I wanted to give him a raise, maybe an extra week of vacation or up his pee breaks to four a day. Technically I could have, since I was his boss, but he would only enjoy that for about an hour. Then I resign as his boss (a.k.a. leaving the store) and he starts all over with a new boss. Imagine breaking in a new boss every hour.

That last sentence reminds me of the time my brother and I broke into a vibrating bed machine at a motel. We cracked open this little metal case and kept re-feeding it quarters every hour so the bed shook all night. I guess bosses are like perpetually vibrating beds. Fun for a while, you don't get much sleep, and then you want to smash the metal case with a blunt instrument.

So why don't other professionals I use call me boss?

Why have I not heard my surgeon say: "Okay, boss, I changed up your spleen, aligned your joints, cleared your manifold veins, changed your speech filter, purged your heart valves and oiled your love handles. You should really get a new timing belt. It's choking your ball joints."

"All under warranty, boss."

That'll do, employee.

What about your priest. "Hey boss, I don't blame you for layin' a little pipe with the neighbour. She comes to this church and she's a hot one."

This would never happen, obviously, because the priest knows who's the REAL boss.

Imagine how confused I was when I overheard another customer complaining about the service. "I WANT TO SEE YOUR BOSS!"

He must mean me, I thought. I'm the boss. Or is the other customer? Are they calling him boss too?

Does this mean he's my boss? Where am I in the organizational chart?

Who's the boss here? I have to pee.