Losing My Figure

I've made an important step forward in my emotional and psychological development.

I know, many of you may be surprised this kind of thing goes on at all with me.

I actually work at this everyday, but don't always realize it.

Okay, let's not exaggerate this effort on my part. It happens mostly by accident and without my awareness.

I use to soak up self help books like the warm sun in Cancun. Now I find people like Dr. Phil abhorrent and Wayne Dyer, while he seems like a truly nice guy, I find quite nauseating.

He's always smiling and positive and planning to make himself happier and his life better. And he's always wearing this really thick, hand-knit sweater that looks so comfy. I just want to slap him is all I want to do.

Get real, buddy. People that smile like that all the time are on drugs or trying to take money from you.

Anywho, I digress.

I've decided I am going to give up trying to figure other people out.

It's not really a decision, I guess. I'm just tired of doing it. Whenever people would behave in a way that puzzles me, especially when I've met them for the first time, I would spend inordinate amounts of time trying to figure out why they are that way. Fun, eh?

Now I employ a new psychological technique called, "Who Gives a Shit". It's far healthier.

In 1990 I went to Mexico with a friend and we became chummy with a couple from North Dakota. They were young, newly married and childless. The guy was a woofer. That translates into roofer, but he had a strange accent or speech impediment which made it sound like he was a professional speaker part.

One night at about 11:30 p.m., I was heading back to the bar after unloading some all-inclusive beer in the bathroom. As I approached the bar I saw my woofer friend with his shirt off. He was applying some kind of cream to his upper body.

Hmmm, a bit strange, I thought. I'm not one to remove my clothing and apply cream to myself where people eat and drink, but hey, we are on vacation and all the vacationers were high on all-inclusive drinks. And the sun, which was clearly down by this point, does dry one's skin out.

As I got closer and had a chance to examine the cream, I learned it was sunscreen.

"On your way to Australia?", I jokingly asked. "No, I get nervous on islands", he answered.

"Why are you putting sunscreen on now?", my enquiring mind wanted to know.

"Because I burn very easily", he explained. It was true. He was as white as freshly fallen snow during a polar vortex.

"But aren't you suppose to reapply it every 8 hours?", I asked.

"Oh ya", he said. "I'll put some more on in the morning".

I spent the week, and much time after that, trying to figure this guy out. What a waste of time and energy.

I kept wondering what it was about me that made him behave and think that way.

But I know better now. The number of influencing factors that go into determining a person's behaviour at any one time probably totals about 700 trillion, over a lifetime.

I probably covered 10-20 factors, and not one of those factors had anything to do with me.

Plus, people have a right to be who they are. They've had to live their life, not me.

Another big one for me is when people I am having a conversation with don't offer very much back, especially at parties.

I remember talking with this one couple at a party and every time I asked the guy a question, he would look at his wife for an answer.

That's really unnerving. Is he mute, or has he been castrated by his wife? What is it I'm doing or not doing that is discouraging this guy from taking his vocal chords for a run.

Well, I've given all that up. Now when people do this kind of thing around me I completely accept it and start mirroring what they are doing.

So in Mexico I really should have said "cool", and started applying sunscreen to myself.

To the non-talker, I probably should have employed the McGurk Effect (from my last blog, see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-lN8vWm3m0). Bah, bah, bah, fah, fah…

It seems I'm maturing with age. Go figure!