Wednesday 23 October 2019

Canadian Election: The Newman Analysis

Okay, okay, I know you've all been waiting for my analysis of the Sleep Country Canadian election.

Justin Trudeau lost the popular vote. This means not that many people want free camping. They are either completely rational people who hate sleeping on a rock, getting rain-soaked, visiting a disgusting outhouse, listening to other families fight, and, gosh darn, don't get their coffee at Tim Hortons, or they love it so much they are willing to go bankrupt to do it.

But…he won the most seats. This means they like camping, but not in a national park. They'd rather camp at a place like the King Edward Hotel for rich people, or maybe just in a house they can barely afford.

Andrew Scheer won the popular vote. This means people do want free admission into museums and art galleries, one of his benchmark promises.

But…he won fewer seats than Justin. This means people don't want to go to museums to see old fossils and scary spiders. They want to see stuff like politicians that have substance, maybe a live sex show, and groceries, home renovation equipment, clothes, medications, tv's and liquor. Basically everything but old fossils and scary spiders.

Boom!